Essence

The body and mind are mere fragments of our being, yet we derive our worth and seek validation based on how we look rather than how we feel. Our ego feeds off the fear instilled within us. The ego keeps us distracted, consuming, overstimulated and at war with ourselves. We lose touch with our intuition, supress our emotions and end each week with a new identity crisis. We reminisce on the past and glorify the future. Our perception of the present becomes distorted, we inflict suffering upon ourselves, and our bodies become riddled with depression and anxiety.

Energy flows where attention goes. Be aware and observe without judgement.

“When we are aligned our aura shines. Deep within us there is a warm radiant light that draws what is meant for us into our orbit. This intrinsic energy has the ability to set us in motion toward fulfilling our purpose and embodying our highest selves. The opposite is also true.”

Addiction and distractions feel euphoric momentarily, but when we reach for our chosen poison, our essence becomes tainted. The destructive cycle of self-loathing, guilt and shame prevail, while we move further and further away from our true selves.

I sought and relied on external validation and I could never settle my restless mind. Each day became an internal battle and my self-worth and trust vanished. My light burnt out and I became ice cold, blood barely circulating to my hands and feet meanwhile an abundance of other adverse physical ailments began to present themselves. I hit breaking point and apprehensively turned to my circle of trust. The moment I verbalised and heard my struggles aloud, the less scary they became. I had the realisation that I am not the first and I will not be the last to have these thoughts, feelings and struggles to face. I learnt to approach myself with compassion and forgiveness, and commit to healing.

The road forward is not smooth or straight and you will uncover many things that have been left in the shadows, let them out and feel them. Cry, scream, laugh, write, move, do what you need in order to feel release and then shift. I choose to view my pain with gratitude. I am grateful for the self-awareness my lows have brought me and how they have pushed me to learn, transform and evolve.

I trust that I am exactly where I need to be. I approach the unknown with curiosity and optimism. I no longer seek to replicate the glorified lives and facades others showcase. I strive to find the silver lining in my pain and discomfort and approach it with a light-heartedness and sense of humour. I allow myself to feel the full spectrum of human emotions and trust that I am fully equipped to face any challenge that I encounter. I am learning to provide for myself all that I desperately sought from others. I am in control. I am more than my body and mind. I am learning to break free from my body, my environment and time.

Slowly but surely, I am beginning to feel my own light brighten, warming parts of my body and soul (but not quite my hands and feet yet). Accept yourself exactly as you are in order to experience and live in alignment with your true essence. Be kind, be authentic, show compassion and focus on feeling.

The Only Way Up Is Down

What matters today will not matter tomorrow. What you think is the issue, generally is not the root cause. It is in our times of pain and despair (true despair) that infinite growth and possibilities flourish. Buckle up, grab a drink, get ready to ride the waves, and shake the sand and sass out of your crack along the way. 

Sometimes we take life far too seriously that we actually forget to stop and live our own authentic lives. It seems easier to live vicariously through others and to distract ourselves trying to amount to and replicate someone else’s reality in hopes of living up to societies constructed ideals.  

Personally, I have caught myself out in desperate attempts to erase the past versions of my shy and quirky self that I often forget that wild, strawberry blonde, free spirited little girl existed. Let me remind you that you are not and were not ever lacking anything. Every answer you seek you can find within; all you have to do is tune in rather than tune out.

I know how much easier it seems to drink your problems away until you’re blacked out in the back of an ambulance because you thought you were invincible and could dance the pain away…I’ve been there. I also know how much easier it seems to overstimulate yourself and turn to your chosen desperate defences for instant gratification…I’ve been there too. 

Life isn’t straightforward and neither are we. Contrast is necessary and we are all here trying to navigate and walk our own paths. Life is abundant so let’s release all entitlement, judgement, and preconceptions. Instead let’s relish in the opportunity to celebrate and uplift one another as we build ourselves up from rock bottom. Welcome to my digital journal where duality meets unity, cheers to you darling, chin up!